Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Joseph Smith and Hulk Hogan Live in Tampa Bay

Before I get to talking about the amazingly funny things that took place this week I first want to state that I apologize for the terrible writing and incorrect words that I used in the last post. I for some reason used of for off once and a bunch of other BS that makes me look super inarticulate. I was on a plane and didn't get proofread the stupid thing before I got off the flight. Also, I got a little carried away about things that are a little too serious for what I really want this blog to be about. In the future you won't be hearing useless shiz about my life anxieties. Which by the way are hardly ailing me these days!!

So, as I promised I will now tell you about some funny things that happened throughout this week in beautiful Tampa, FL. The first day that we got here we sat down in what's called the Opening Meeting with all the big wigs from the dealership. As we're sitting there this man that looks like he has to be 90 years old comes walking in the room as he is coughing up a lung or even two. "Yikes!! Here comes death himself I thought." Not only was he coughing like crazy his skin was freakishly yellow. Bar none one of the most unhealthy looking people that I have EVER laid my eyes up. As he gingerly walked closed a certain smell began to fill the room. It was that of nasty old man halitosis and old man smell like I've never experienced. I almost couldn't bare it. I honestly think I would have rather smelled a freak nasty fart.

As the title of the blog says I did figure out that Joe Smith lives in Tampa Bay. If you're not familiar with the name, Joseph Smith is the founder of the LDS (Mormon) church. During the early days at of the church Joe Smith was put into a jail which later proved to be his place of death. So as we sat down and Joe Smith (old nasty smelling man) walked into the room I cringed due to the burning of my nose hairs. He sat down and proceeded to tell us his name. The first thing old Joe said as he sat down was, "I'm the one that survived." Haha!! I knew exactly where this whole situation was going. As me and the other two consultants played along he began to tell us that if we can't remember his name that just think about the founder of the Mormon Church and we'll be able to remember it. He went on saying that Joseph Smith was that person that survived "Heritage Jail" (When actually it's called Carthage) and Brigham Young was one that was killed. I was on the verge of bursting out in laughter. But I continued on listening to him. One funniest things that I learned from old Joe is that the Mormons made a pilgrimage from Texas, which was also knew to me. But none the less Joe was a good guy. Not at all what I had pictured Joseph Smith to be like in my mind. This Joe Smith was a cancered man and on his death bed. From this day forward I will picture the founder of the LDS church as a man that has yellow skin, a shaky hand, a terrible funk and savage halitosis!

Okay, Joe Smith was funny, but there is no one better than Hulk Hogan himself. As I got to the gate in the Tampa airport I sat down and watched my co-workers luggage as he went to the bathroom. As he meandered back to me with a slight grin in his face I couldn't help but wonder what had just happened? Of all the things he could have told me happened in an airport urinal he breaks this news to me, " I just peed next to Hulk Hogan." At first I played it off as a joke or that he maybe peed next to someone with a bleached out skullet, fu-man-chued faced and 45 inch bicepts. But as inquired further I began to discover there was no joking in his voice. He pointed me in the direction that he went and said he's wearing a red shirt. As I promptly began my pursuit for a behemoth in a red shirt I turned to my right and there was the head band wearing, overly tan, bleached out man that we all know as the hulk. After a slight inner battle I came to the conclusion that I would never see him and so I went and asked him for a picture. While he was at the bar he said, "right after I finish my beer brother, a picture is all yours." Due to the size of his biceps I felt it fitting to not push the inquiry any further than that. However, my flight was getting uncomfortable close to boarding time I had to count my losses and head back to my gate. As I was sitting at the gate I once again saw the giant of a man walking towards my gate. He sat down to get ready to board the same flight as me. Not often do we get second chances like this in life, so I had to take it. "Mr. Hogan, I see that you're done with your beer and I still haven't gotten that picture from ya." He motioned to me to come and sit next to him and after the exchange of a couple words the picture was taken and my life was complete. "Hey thanks a lot BROTHER." Those words will be forever etched in my mind. The Hulk used his staple word on me by calling me "Brother" and I was in disbelief. So the I punched him in the face and suplexed him twelve time until he tapped out. That's just what I thought you did to pro wrestlers.

That was my trip to Tampa in a nut shell. Met some great people, smelled some terrible smells and beat up a WWF legend. No big deal. Until Next time folks… Until next time. Wish me luck in my travels.

Ps.. I've seen some googley and lazy eyes in my day, but you have NEVER seen one like I saw in TAMPA. Not only did I see it, but I had to see it every single day on an hourly basis. Do you know how hard it is to not laugh at something like that? I seriously couldn't tell is this guy was looking under the refrigerator for something he dropped or on top of it to get his car keys… Awkward! So if you're at a car dealership in FL and there is a General Sales manager that has a nasty googly eye. Tell him I said hello.





  1. I didn't know you had a blog Mike! ...Great Stuff! Love you!!
    I have an LDS blog besides my NASCAR website...bet ya didn't know that! Auntie's are good for secrets too ya know!
    This post reminded me of one time when you were little, and we were all in the store...there was this man with icky teeth and he was buying a pack of smokes. You were about 3 or 4. You looked right at him and in a really mean voice said "Why do you SMOKE? YOU STINK!"